Writing to sons-in-law
Messages for your son-in-law: 22 examples across 3 occasions
A son-in-law is often assessed for a long time before he is accepted, and frequently never told when the assessment ended.
Saying it explicitly - that he stopped being your daughter's partner and started being family at some identifiable point - is unusually powerful precisely because it is so rarely said.
As with a daughter-in-law, the strongest version names something about him that has nothing to do with his marriage.
Pick the occasion
step 01 · nine templates
Every occasion, written for your son-in-law
The details worth reaching for
Whatever the occasion, these are the specifics that make a message to your son-in-law sound like it came from someone who was actually paying attention.
- The moment you stopped thinking of him as a guest
- Something he is good at that has nothing to do with your daughter
- How he handled a family crisis
- The way he is with your grandchildren
- Something he does for the family that goes unremarked
- A skill or interest of his you respect
- How he treats his own family
- Something you have learned from him
A blessing over you
moment 2 of 8
What goes wrong when people write to sons-in-law
Defining him by his marriage
A card entirely about how he treats your daughter reduces him to a function, however well he performs it.
The joke about taking her off your hands
Extremely common and quietly diminishing to both of them.
Never saying he is in
Many sons-in-law report never having been told plainly that they were accepted. Tell him.
Openings and sign-offs that fit this relationship
Ways to open
- “There was a point where you stopped being a guest…”
- “Leaving my daughter out of this for a second…”
- “You handled something last year that I noticed…”
- “You are family, and I should have said so sooner…”
- “Something I respect about you…”
Ways to close
- “Glad you are one of us”
- “Family, plainly”
- “With genuine respect”
- “We got lucky”
- “Consider it official”
Common questions
- What should you write to your son-in-law?
- A son-in-law is often assessed for a long time before he is accepted, and frequently never told when the assessment ended.. The message that lands names one specific thing rather than summarising the relationship.
- What should you avoid writing to your son-in-law?
- Defining him by his marriage. A card entirely about how he treats your daughter reduces him to a function, however well he performs it.
- How do you make a message to your son-in-law sound personal?
- Replace one general phrase with something only you would know - the moment you stopped thinking of him as a guest, for instance. That single substitution is what separates a borrowed message from one that sounds like you.
Make it something your son-in-law opens
The same details, turned into a private interactive world. Free to build and preview.